It's Been Awhile
by kate438
Summary: It's been five years since Abby left the ER with Carter, Luka is married to Nicole but what happens when a tragedy brings Abby back into his life?
1. Nicole, Ect

I looked over at the delicate form that laid beside me. I watched as the comforter that covered her rose with every soft, rhythmical, breath. She was sleeping, probably lost somewhere among dreams. I would have loved to lay there all day and watch her but I had to get up. I slipped out from beneath the covers as quietly as I could. She tossed slightly, opening her eyes.   
"Luka, what time is it?" she asked as she stretched. She looked up at me with her beautiful eyes. I always seemed to lose myself in those eyes. I cast a quick glance at the clock, reading it's digital numbers.   
"It's six. You can go back to sleep, I just have to leave for work." She smiled and nodded, already falling back to sleep. I slipped out of the room, as the morning sun filtered in through the half open blinds.   
I walked past a mirror in the hallway, catching a glimpse of my wedding band. I smiled to myself. Nicole and I had been married for almost five years. A lot had happened in five years. When Nicole told me she was pregnant, I was so overjoyed, I thought that something in my life was going right for a change. We decided to get married but a few months after the ceremony she miscarried. It hurt us both so deeply. During that time I saw a side of Nicole I had never seen. I saw her at her most vulnerable time, I saw everything in her soul. In return, she saw mine. I think we grew closer and our relationship grew stronger. I walked into the bathroom, turning the shower on. I climbed into the hot streams of water, letting it wake me up. I began think about Nicole again. We had been talking last night, she wants to try and have another baby. I was happy, I knew what a hard decision that was for her to make. I know she's scared about losing another baby but this time I have a feeling everything will work out. I know we're ready for the challenge of parenthood. I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. After drying off, I changed for work and quietly left the apartment. 

There was a cool breeze as I walked in the October weather. The leaves were turning bright oranges and yellows as the thin sunlight shown through them. In a few minutes I was at the doors of County General. I walked in and headed towards the main desk. I noticed a small group of med students being led around by Dr. Chen. I smiled, it was always interesting when med students were around. Dr. Chen, besides me, was the only doctor that was still at County. The rest had scattered over the years. Weaver was the first to go. She had treated a patient off record and the treatment killed him. When she was found out, it was all over the news. Eventually she lost her license to practice. The last thing we heard was that she was living in California working as a secretary. It was sad, she was a good doctor, even if she was a little on the crazy side once in awhile. Dr. Romano followed. He never did recover use of his arm, in fact, blood flow to his arm had deteriorated so rapidly it had to be amputated. He left and the only one who ever heard from him was Dr. Corday. A couple of years ago I read in a newspaper he had committed suicide. Poor guy, It had to have been awful to lose something so close to you. To have your career fall apart like that. After that Dr. Corday left once more to return to England. This time she didn't come back. I heard she's remarried now, to some other doctor. Three departures in less than a year, it had almost crippled the ER, thankfully no one else left for awhile. About a year later, Carter and Abby were next. They had gotten married and Abby was pregnant when Carter decided he wanted to open up his own clinic. They moved away from Chicago to someplace more upstate. We kept in touch for awhile, she sent me a picture of their little boy. They had named him Jonathan, has a nice ring to it actually, Jonathan Carter. After a few years I just lost touch. Susan had left a few months after Carter and Abby. She said she was sick of the terrible conditions at County and took a job at a private hospital. We still talk every once and awhile. She's engaged to a lawyer. Both Gallant and Pratt had finished med school a year ago, although neither of them stayed at County. Both of them took positions at Mercy. So that just leaves Chen and me. I can't say I mind really, the new employee's are nice and I have gotten to know some of them well. I grabbed a chart and flipped it open. Another day was about to begin. 

I walked into the lounge, wearily rubbing my temples. It had been a busy day with several severe traumas. I was glad it was over and I could go home.   
"You look tired." A voice said from the opposite side of the room. I looked over to see Chen stretched out on the small couch. I smiled.   
"Yeah and so do you. Are you off?" I asked her, opening my locker and hanging my coat up. I waited for a reply as I put my stethoscope on the shelf. She laughed.   
"I wish. I'm just taking a break." Chen said as she yawned. "I still have like five more hours."   
"Bummer. Well, I would love stay but..." Chen smiled.   
"Yeah, yeah... I'm sure. I'll see you tomorrow." I grinned as I headed for the door.   
"Have a good night." I left the lounge and made my way home. 

I walked up the steps to our apartment, pulling my keys out of my pocket. I put them in the door and turned them. Hearing the familiar click, I opened the door. I threw my jacket in the closet and walked into the hallway.   
"Nicole, I'm home." I called into the apartment. I noticed that the lights were dimmed and there was soft music playing. With a curious grin, I walked into the living room. Nicole was sitting on the couch, lit candles around her. She had on a pink satin nightgown and her blonde hair fell loosely around her shoulders. I could feel my heart start to pound, reasons of why I loved her filling my head.   
"What's all this?" I asked, the grin still upon my face. She got up slowly, a smile spreading across her lips.   
"Oh, I don't know." She said, wrapping her arms around my neck. I could feel her body press into mine and I could feel her breath on my lips. I leaned in and kissed her. After a moment she pulled back, a bigger smile on her face. "I thought we could have a little fun tonight." I grinned again as she took my hand, leading me into the bedroom. 


	2. Tragedy

I looked up at the clock that hung above the stove. It read ten twenty four. He should have been home by now. Where was he? I laid a hand on my stomach, feeling the baby inside me move. I got up, restless, and wandered into Jonathan's room. I smiled as I saw our three year old sound asleep. He looked so peaceful, laying there with an arm around his favorite teddy bear. God, he looked so much like his father. I walked over to him and smoothed his hair back. I leaned over, gave him a small kiss, and pulled the covers up around him. I silently walked out of his room, quietly closing the door behind me. I looked back up at the clock. Where was John? He should have been home hours ago. He was never this late, even if he was he would have called. I sat down at the kitchen table and reopened the book I had been reading. A few minutes later the phone rang. I jumped up and hurriedly picked up the receiver.   
"Hello?" I said, hoping John was on the other end of the line.   
"Hello, May I please speak to Mrs. Carter?" An unfamiliar voice replied.   
"This is she."   
"Mrs. Carter, I am calling you to tell you that we are treating your husband at Beaumont Hospital. Could you please come here as soon as possible?" I felt my heart leap into my throat. A million questions were running through my head.   
"Is he all right? What happened? When did he get there?" I knew that I wasn't going to get any answers but I still needed to ask those questions.   
" I am not authorized to tell you that information but when you get here, I'm sure the doctor treating him will tell you everything."   
"Yes... thank you. I'll be there as soon as possible." I hung up the phone and ran to Jonathan's room. I silently prayed that nothing bad had happened to John. I flipped on the night light and started to wake Jonathan up.   
"Jonathan, sweetie, you have to get up." I watched as he opened his sleepy eyes, confused. "Sweetie, you need to get up so Mommy can put your shoes on." He sat up, rubbing his eyes. I quickly grabbed socks and shoes and began putting them on his feet.   
"Where are we going?" he asked.   
"We need to go and get Daddy." I didn't want to say anymore because if I did, my voice would have broke. After I put his shoes on, I picked him up and headed for the door. I grabbed ours coats, my keys and purse and immediately went out the door. I strapped Jonathan into his car seat and wrapped his coat around him. He was already falling back to sleep. I hurriedly put my coat on and got into the car. I put the keys into the ignition and made my way to Beaumont. 

About twenty minutes later I arrived at Beaumont. I unstrapped Jonathan from his car seat and picked him up. He was still sleeping and his body was heavy on my shoulder. I ran through the doors of the ER and made my way towards the main desk. I bored looking woman stared up at me.   
"Can I help you?" She asked.   
"I'm looking for my husband, John Carter." I told the receptionist, breathless. Her face softened a little and she spoke.   
"Have a seat over there, the doctor will be with you shortly." I looked to where she motioned to, a small array of chairs were set up. I nodded and made my way to those chairs. I sat down, Jonathan in my lap, still asleep, I prayed that nothing bad had happened to John. I sat there for almost an hour before I saw a doctor approach the main desk. He said something to the receptionist and she pointed in my direction. I inhaled sharply as he walked towards me.   
"Mrs. Carter?" he asked politely. I nodded my head, afraid to speak. He looked as Jonathan, a sad smile on his face. Oh God, why did he look like that? Please, please, tell me John is okay. "I'm Dr. Kendall, I treated your husband." Treated? Shouldn't he be saying treating? I stayed silent as he continued. "Mr. Carter came in with severe internal injuries due to a car accident. We took him up to the operating room but the damage was too extensive. I'm sorry, your husband died."   
I sat there numb. I couldn't have heard correctly. He couldn't have died. No. NO.   
"No, there must be some mistake...John.. He couldn't have..." I plead with the doctor, tears threatening to escape my eyes. "Today was his last day at the clinic, We're going to have another baby soon... he was taking a vacation... No..please tell me he's okay..." I looked up at the doctor, the same sad, sympathetic look on his face. I let the tears fall.   
"I'm sorry." He said again. " Is there anyone I can call?" I shook my head. I didn't know many people here, and the few people I did know, well, they were mostly John's friends. I watched as the doctor stood up and walked away. I could feel Jonathan stirring. He opened his eyes and looked up at me.   
"Mommy, why are you crying?" he asked. It broke my heart to look at him. He was going to grow up without his father in his life and so was the baby inside me. I wiped the tears from my eyes before answering him.   
"Because Mommy is very sad right now." I told him. He just kept looking at me.   
"Why?" How was I going to explain to him that his Daddy wasn't going to come home again? I looked into Jonathan's eyes and knew right then that this was going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to do in my life.   



	3. I've Got To See You Again

It has been a week since John's death. He was coming home from the clinic when he decided to take the freeway instead of the main roads. A man on the other side of the median was driving drunk. He smashed across the meridian and into John. The man was driving a four-wheel drive pick-up truck; John's jeep was just no match for it. The funeral was a small affair and I'm glad, I don't think I could have handled it if had been bigger. I still don't think Jonathan understands. He still waits for his Daddy to come home. Sometimes I forget he's gone. When Jonathan learns something new I think about how I can't wait to tell John but then it hits me, he's gone. I don't think I can handle all of this. I don't think I can go on without John. I look around our home and am reminded so much of our life together. I was sitting at the dining room table, pictures spread out all around me. As much as it hurt to look at them, I had too. I was afraid of forgetting, of forgetting how he looked, how he sounded, how he smelled. I know it was crazy but I couldn't help it. I smiled as I sifted through the memories. There was a picture of John and Jonathan at the park. Jonathan was maybe a year old and he was in a swing, John stood behind him beaming at him. I put that picture down and picked up another. This one was taken at our wedding. We were standing in front of the church; I had my arms wrapped around John's wait and was looking up at him. We both had incredible smiles on our faces. As I set the photograph down my eyes fell on a picture that had been taken almost seven years ago. It was of the staff at County General at the time, Mark, Elizabeth, Romano, Weaver, Dave, Peter, Cleo, Chen, Carter, Luka and Me. My eyes lingered on Luka. Luka. It had been a long time since I had spoken to him. He was the only one who ever kept in touch after we left. The last time I had spoken to him, he told me that he and Chen were the only ones left at County. Everyone else had left. I set the picture back on the table. I got up from the table and went into the living room where Jonathan was playing with his toys.   
"Jonathan, come on sweetie, we're going for a ride." Jonathan looked up with interest. He put his toys down and got up. He had always liked riding in the car. A half our later we were on the interstate. I had made up my mind. I was going to go see Luka. 

Nicole and I sat on the couch in the living room. We were watching a movie. I sat with my arms around her, her head resting on my shoulder. She looked up at me, her eyes conveying everything she was thinking. She leaned in and kissed me softly on my lips. I felt a jolt go through me. How is it that I find I love her more and more everyday?   
"I love you." She said softly. I smiled.   
"I love you, too." She returned the smile. She put her head back on my shoulder and we continued watching the movie. I noticed she was restless. I grabbed the remote control and paused the movie.   
"What's wrong?" I asked her. She hesitated a moment.   
"Oh, nothing... it's stupid." She said.   
"No, it's okay. What is it?" She paused a moment before speaking.   
"I was thinking how different our lives will be if we have children. I'm kind of scared, about being a mother and everything. Do you think I will be a good mother?" I smiled.   
"I think you will be an excellent mother. Don't worry, all the changes we will have to make will be worth it. When you watch your child you get the most mind-bending feeling. You created that person; his entire life is in your hands. Also, you learn how incredible it is to love someone unconditionally." I watched Nicole relax.   
"Thank you." She glanced over my shoulder. Puzzled, I looked at her.   
"What?" She smiled.   
"Aren't you supposed to be on at eight?" I nodded my head.   
"Yeah, why?" She laughed.   
"It's eight twenty." I jumped up. I was going to have to hurry. I quickly kissed Nicole goodbye before running out the door.   


It took me about three hours to reach Chicago. I made my way to County General. I prayed that Luka was on tonight. I didn't know his address anymore or I would have just gone to his apartment. I park my car and got Jonathan out. I walked into the ER for the first time in five years. Everything was different. They had remodeled the place; it was a lot more updated. I looked around for a familiar face, doubting that I would find one. I walked up to the main desk; a woman was one the phone. She motioned that she would be with me in a moment. As I stood there waiting, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and came face to face with Deb Chen.   
"Abby?" She said, her eyes opening wide, a smile forming on her lips. "Oh my God! How are you?" She leaned in to give me a hug. Relief flooded me. Thank God someone I knew was here tonight. After a few moments Deb let go, still grinning. Her eyes fell on my stomach.   
"When are you due?" She asked. I smiled and laid a hand on my stomach.   
"Three weeks." I told her.   
"Wow, that's really soon. Where's..." Deb was interrupted by Jonathan.   
"Hi, my name is Jonathan." He said, coming out from hiding behind my legs. Deb grinned.   
"Hi Jonathan. I'm Deb. How old are you?" She asked. Jonathan held up three fingers. "You're three? Wow, that's pretty old." He nodded and smiled. She looked at me.   
"I'm guessing he's yours?" I nodded. " He looks so much like his father. Speaking of John, where is he?" I felt my heart tug and tears spring into my eyes. Deb noticed because she took my hand and Jonathan's and led us into the faculty lounge. We sat down   
"Abby, what's wrong?" She asked, handing me a tissue. "Is everything okay with you and Carter?" I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was a pathetic sob. Deb continued. "Are you guys okay?" She paused a moment before speaking again. "You guys aren't getting divorced, are you?" I shook my head, trying to stop crying.   
"Deb..." I began. I took a breath in trying to calm myself. "A week ago...a week ago John was killed in a car accident." I looked up at Deb, letting the tears fall again. Her face went from shocked to disbelief to sadness. Her hand flew up to her mouth and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. She got up quickly and gave me a hug. In a moment we were both sobbing. I knew Deb and John had been very close. He used to call her every weekend. Heck, Deb and I had been close, too. In a way, I was starting to feel better. It was nice to have someone to cry with, someone who was hurting like you were. Deb let go, tears running down her cheeks.   
"Abby...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. God, I'm gonna miss him." I nodded.   
"I can't believe he's gone. I still think this is all a bad dream, that I'm going to wake up and it will all be over." I paused a minute. "I know eventually I'm going to be okay, It's Jonathan I worry about. He's so young. It kills me to think he'll grow up not knowing his father. It kills me to think that this baby will never see John and he will never see this baby. We were both so excited about this baby. He was such a good father..." My voice broke on those words, causing both of us to start crying again. We sat there for what felt like ages when the door opened. We both looked up, startled. My breath caught in my throat. Luka was standing in the doorway, looking between Deb and I.   


I was almost running on the way to work. I can't believe I did this. I made it to the ER in record time. Breathless, I ran through the doors and was met with the chief of the ER, Lindsey Wright. She gave me a look.   
"Dr. Kovac, you're almost forty five minutes late." It took me a minute before I could answer; I was trying to catch my breath.   
"I'm sorry, I just lost track of time." I waited for a reply. Lindsey smiled.   
"It's okay, just don't let it happen again." I grinned.   
"No problem." I watched as Lindsey left. I hurried into the lounge to get my things. I opened the door and froze. Chen was sitting as the table, crying. Abby was beside her. I looked over at Abby, then Chen. It looked like both of them had been crying. What happened? Why was Abby here? Why was she crying? I stood there silent. I noticed a little boy sitting on the couch with a book. He looked like Carter. He had to be Jonathan. I knew I should say something instead of standing there like a mime. I cleared my throat.   
"Abby, what are you doing here?" I asked. She looked up at me. She looked awful. She stood up and that's when I noticed she was pregnant. She walked towards me.   
"John was killed in a car accident." I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. I watched as fresh tears started rolling down her cheeks. My first instinct was to wrap my arms around her and that's what I did. I could feel her body tremble as she cried. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything, I just kept my arms wrapped around her. "I'm sorry I just showed up like this, I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay at the house, everything I look at reminds me of him." I hated seeing her like this, in so much pain. She doesn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this.   
"I know how you feel." I whispered to her. For once, I truly knew how she felt.   
  



	4. Secrets and Lies

After a few minutes I unwrapped my arms from around her. She stood there, wiping her eyes.   
"Where are you staying?" I asked her. She looked kind of embarrassed.   
"Well, I uh, I don't know. I just kind of came her on the spur of the moment." I smiled.   
"That's okay. You can stay with Nicole and I. There's no way I am letting you stay at a motel or anything."   
"Luka, really, you don't have to do that. I can-" I cut her off.   
"No, I insist. Come on, we'll take the el back to my apartment. You should really rest or something. Besides, you don't want to hang out at the ER all day." Abby looked hesitant for a moment.   
"What about Nicole? Are you sure she'll be okay with this?" Actually, I wasn't sure. They didn't used to get along but that was five years ago. I'm almost positive that Nicole won't care. Even if she does, oh well, It will only be for a little while.   
" She'll be fine with it." I reassured her. She smiled.   
"Thank you." I watched as she walked over to where the little boy was sitting and scooped him up into her arms. She walked over to me. "Can you wait a minute? I want Jonathan to use the restroom before we go." I nodded.   
"Sure, I'll meet you at the doors." I watched her as she walked out of the lounge. I quickly turned to Chen.   
"Can you cover me for a few?" She wiped her eyes and nodded.   
"I can't believe this happened." Chen said. "It's not fair, especially to Abby."   
"I know." I sighed. "Well, I'm going to go wait for her, thanks for covering me. I'll be back as soon as I can." I left the lounge and stood by the exit. I certainly hadn't expected something like this. John and I had never been real close friends or anything but none the less, I felt that this was a real tragedy. He was one hell of a doctor but most of all, he had made Abby happy.   
"All right, we're all set." My thoughts snapped back to the present when Abby spoke. We walked out the doors, silent and lost in thought. I looked aver at Abby, she had Jonathan in her arms and he was resting his head on her shoulder. She looked so different, older, I guess but it had been awhile since I last saw her, what did I expect? She turned her head to look at me.   
"We don't have to take the el. I drove here." She drove here? I stayed silent as Abby led the way to her car. Finally we reached a small blue sedan, a few scratches on it and a car seat in the back. She opened the door and put Jonathan into his car seat and then went to open the drivers side door. I stopped her.   
"I'll drive. I just want you to take it easy." Abby handed me the keys.   
"Thanks, I was hoping you'd say that." I laughed.   
"What if I had made you drive?" I asked her as we got into the car. She looked at me, a mischievous look in her eyes.   
"I would have made you give me the address and told you to walk." I smiled.   
"Charming." I put the key into the ignition and started the car. In a moment we were on the road, lost in conversation. It felt so comfortable, like Abby had never left and we had never lost touch. It was crazy. I was sad when I pulled up in front of my apartment. It meant we had to stop the conversation. I glanced in the rear view mirror at Jonathan, he was sleeping peacefully in his car seat. I looked over at Abby.   
"He's asleep." I said. She looked back and smiled.   
"Yeah, I hate to have to wake him up, he's had a long day." I put the key back into the ignition.   
"Well, let's not." Abby smiled. She knew where I was going with this. She leaned back in the passenger seat.   
"I haven't been in Chicago for a long time. I think I need to jog my memory...make sure you take a scenic route." We both grinned as I pulled back out onto the street. 

We had been riding around Chicago for almost an hour. I'm glad I decided to come back, I had almost forgotten what a great friend Luka was to me. For the last hour we had talked about everything from A to Z. Our lives, our past, what we thought the future would be. It almost made me cry. It was bittersweet in a strange way, only a few short weeks ago these were things John and I used to talk about. I remember it like yesterday.   
_I gazed at John, who was sitting next to me, our fingers intertwined. I stared into his eyes, seeing nothing but him, hearing nothing but his voice._   
_"What do you think our lives will be like in ten years?" he asked me. His eyes were so beautiful. I was lost in those eyes as I answered him._   
_"I'm not sure. Nothing in the future is certain but I do know that we'll be happy, we'll be in love." I watched as a smile played on his lips._   
_"That's all I need. I love you, Abby" I watched as he leaned in closer, my heart beating faster each second as his lips neared mine. I closed my eyes and felt like I was flying as his lips pressed against mine, time stood still. Everything could have fell apart at that moment but it would have been okay because I was in his arms and we were in a moment that seemed to last forever._   
"Abby...Abby..." I opened my eyes and I was back in the car with Luka. I didn't realize it but tears were running down my cheeks. I hurriedly brushed them away.   
"What's wrong?" I turned to face Luka. I shook my head.   
"I was just thinking about John, that's all." I watched his face soften.   
"Oh. I'm sorry." he said. I smiled.   
"It's okay, it's a happy memory." He looked over at me. I noticed his eyes at that moment. I remember reading somewhere that eyes were thought to be windows to a person's soul. At the moment I saw understanding in his eyes, not a fake understanding, but something totally real, totally raw. I watched his lips move as he spoke.   
"The kind that hurt the most." I lowered my eyes. He seemed to be reading my thoughts today. I gazed out the window as we pulled back up to his apartment. We both got out and I opened the back door to get the still sleeping Jonathan. Luka waved his hand.   
"I'll get him." I watched as he gently unbuckled the seatbelt and carefully lifted Jonathan out of the car. He did it so naturally. Jonathan stirred but didn't wake up. It was a sweet scene, Jonathan had cuddled up against his shoulder, sound asleep. I followed Luka up the stairs and too his apartment door. He put his key into the door and opened it, letting me go in first. He flipped on the lights and we both froze as we took in the scene in front of us. It had been awhile since I had seen Nicole but I recognized her instantly. The person I didn't recognize was the man that she was entangled with on the floor. I heard Luka inhale sharply. I couldn't move. Nicole and the man jumped up in surprise.   
"Luka!" Nicole exclaimed, grabbing the man's shirt trying to cover herself. The man had fled to some other part of the apartment. "You're...you're not supposed to be home...I thought that...that..." We both stood there as Nicole stuttered. I looked up as Luka turned around and left. I followed him, closing the apartment door behind me. He was already half way down the stairs as I followed him. When I got outside, he was leaning against the building wall, Jonathan still on his shoulder. I took Jonathan from him and slowly raised my eyes to meet his.   
"Luka, are you all right?" I mentally kicked myself, of course he wasn't all right. He just walked in on his wife cheating on him. Still, it was the only thing I could think of to say. He kept his eyes lowered. I watched as he kept on swallowing, trying not to cry.   
"I...I didn't expect that." he said finally. I opened my mouth to say something but was interrupted when the door opened and Nicole walked out, this time fully clothed. I watched emotion after emotion cross Luka's face as he looked at her.   
"I'll wait in the car." I said quietly and walked over to the car. 

I stared at Nicole as she walked towards me. I could feel my pulse in my ears and I was trying hard not to lose my composure.   
"Luka," she said. God, why did my skin crawl when I heard her speak? "It's not what it looked like." My head snapped up. First she had done...done _this_, now she was going to lie?   
"Really?" I said, my voice coming out harsh and cold. She jumped back when she heard the tone. "That's not what it looked like. To me it looked like you were fucking another man." I waited for her reply. I grew impatient and angry when she didn't speak. "I thought you loved me. I thought you were happy. Why? What the hell did I do to deserve that?" She stayed silent a moment longer, then spoke.   
"I didn't plan it, it just happened." I laughed bitterly.   
"Yeah, that man just happened to fall into your arms. I'm not that stupid, Nicole. Stop making shit up. " She glared at me.   
"You're obviously stupid enough to not notice what was going on." I took a step back, staring at her.   
"How long?" She lowered her eyes, not answering. "How _long_?" She raised her eyes.   
"A few months. Luka, I'm moving in with him." I let my mouth hang open. This was crazy, I can't believe I didn't see this coming. We were going to have children, I thought we loved each other. I know I loved her.   
"Nicole, what? Why? I thought you loved me. We were talking about having children." I could barely get the words out. "Was it all a lie? Has everything that has come out of your mouth been a lie?" We both glanced at the door as the man she was with came out of the complex. I stared numbly at Nicole, waiting for an answer. She turned and walked towards the man.   
"I'm sorry." She said, then turned and walked away. I stood there, falling apart inside. It was over, just like that, over.   



	5. This Kiss

I watched as Luka stood motionless on the sidewalk. A few seconds later, he began to walk towards the car. He stopped outside the door, taking in a breath. I opened the door, my eyes on him as I got out.  
  
"Abby..." He said, his voice came out small, like a little boys" I held my arms out to him. It was ironic, wasn't he just doing the exact same thing for me a few hours ago? I looked up at him, trying to remember why we had grown apart in the first place. Before I knew what I was doing I lifted my head up and brought my lips to his. I felt him tense up for a moment but then relax. It felt like fireworks were going off inside of me. Kissing John had always been thrilling but it had never felt like this, this was incredible. We pulled apart, Luka opened his mouth to speak but I spoke first.  
  
"No, it's okay. I, I wanted to kiss you." Luka looked at me like I was insane. I guess I am, well, just a little. Luka smiled. God, his smile was amazing, I hadn't realized how much I missed seeing it until that moment.  
  
"Well" he began. "Lets go back up to my apartment. I'm going to call county and see if I can just bail on my shift today." I nodded my head, it sounded good to me. I was tired. Jonathan was awake now, so I took him out of the car and the three of us went inside.  
  
Once were inside, Luka gestured for us to sit down and I did, gratefully. I gazed around the apartment, with Jonathan sitting quietly on my lap. I looked at the framed pictures that hung neatly on the walls and at the photographs they contained. Most were of some abstract object, a sunset on Lake Michigan, a snowy park. My eyes fell on a picture of Luka and Nicole. It was a professional portrait that looked like it had been taken recently. I studied the expressions on their faces, Luka looked truly happy but as my eyes lingered on Nicole, I got the distinct feeling she wasn't. I think it was her eyes.  
  
"That was taken three months ago." I jumped as I heard Luka's voice. I turned my head toward him. "I don't have to go back into work." he paused a moment. " Are you guys hungry?" I opened my mouth to say something but Jonathan spoke first.  
  
"Yeah! Do you have peanut butter?" I watched Luka smile, then laugh. Jonathan got up as Luka walked over to me. He held a hand out. I smiled as he helped me up off the couch.  
  
"Follow me." Jonathan and I followed him into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. It was a pretty large kitchen, bright and airy. I watched Luka move around the kitchen, grabbing bread, peanut butter, a knife. Luka paused a moment and turned toward Jonathan.  
  
"Just peanut butter?" he asked " and let me guess, no crust?" Jonathan nodded his head as he giggled. In a minute he had made the sandwich and had it on a plate.  
  
"Why don't you watch some cartoons?" I told Jonathan, I wanted to talk to Luka alone and I hoped that the cartoons would be a good distraction for Jonathan. I looked at Luka, silently asking him if it was okay, he quickly nodded his head and I got up to find something on the TV for Jonathan. I watched as Abby took Jonathan into the living room. He was such a good kid. A moment later Abby returned. She smiled as she sat down.  
  
"Blues Clues...he loves that show." I laughed.  
  
"I think I watched that once, I was home sick from work." Abby laughed.  
  
"It's a stimulating show isn't it?" I watched as she shifted in the chair, her hair had fallen into her eyes and she pushed it back with a swift movement of her hand. I walked towards the fridge and opened it. There was hardly anything in it, some eggs, a few cartons of old chinese food, some TV dinners and a tupperware container that was growing something unidentifiable in it.  
  
"Want something to eat?" I asked her, holding up a TV dinner. "Swanson's chicken fingers." Abby shook her head, an amused look on her face.  
  
"You never were one to actually cook, were you? No, I'm not really hungry." I shrugged and put the frozen dinner back in the fridge.  
  
"Coffee?"  
  
"That would be great." A few moments later I sat down at the table with two cups of coffee. I slid one cup toward Abby.  
  
"It's decaf." I told her. "Do you need sugar or anything?"  
  
"No, I'm fine." We both sat there for a while in silence, then both spoke at once.  
  
"I was wonder..." I began.  
  
"Why did..." she said at the same time. We laughed and I motioned for her to speak.  
  
"Why did we grow apart? I mean, do you think we could have worked out?" I was thinking the same thing. I had forced myself not to think of Abby, to push her to the back of my mine. She was Carter's but now that she was back here in front of me, I could feel all the old feelings coming back. Even thought I love Nicole, I'm starting to think I could love Abby more. I looked at her as I replied.  
  
"I don't know, maybe. I think that we just got together at the wrong time." She looked thoughtful.  
  
"Yeah. I..." Abby didn't finish her sentence because a shattering of glass and scream from Jonathan came from the living room and sent us both running. 


	6. Untitled for now

I heard a crash then Jonathan's scream. I looked over at Abby, the terrified look on her face saying everything she was thinking. We hurried into the living room and were shocked by the scene that lay before our eyes. Jonathan had found a paper clip and had stuck into an electrical socket. A lamp lay shattered next to him in a million pieces; the crash. I heard Abby cry out for him while we helplessy watched his small body flail as electrical currents surged through him. Abby suddenly stepped forward, reaching out for him. I ran forward grabbing her and pulling her back. I held onto her tightly. 

"No, Abby. You can't touch him." She struggled against my grip. I tightened my grip. 

"Oh, my God." She cried, franticly. She looked up at me. "Luka, do something! Please...Help him!" I let go of her, grabbed the phone and handed it to her. 

"Stay here and call 911." I told her firmly. She nodded. "I'll be right back." I waited until Abby had started to dial before I ran out of the room and into the kitchen. I scanned the room quickly for the circuit breaker, finding it a moment later. I opened it, hurriedly flipping all the switches in the opposite direction. The apartment was bathed in darkness, as I breathed a small sigh of relief. I ran back into the living room where Abby was now kneeling beside a motionless Jonathan. 

"He's not breathing!" She cried. "He doesn't have a pulse." I felt like there was ice water in running through my body as I ran toward them. I kneeled on the floor next to her. 

"I'll start compressions, while you give the breaths." I told her. Abby shook her head, crying. 

"I can't..." I turned to face her. 

"Abby, listen to me. You have to focus, okay? You can do this. I'm going to start..." I started compressions and watched as   
Abby leaned over and blew into Jonathan's mouth. We continued CPR for ten more minutes before the paramedics arrived. I helped Abby up as the paramedics took over. 

"He looks so small, helpless." she said almost silently while Jonathan was being taken to the ambulance. We looked up as a paramedic ran over to us. 

"We're taking him to county." he said, quickly before running out of the room and to the ambulance. I turned to Abby. 

"We'll follow him." I told her, then lead her down the stairs and out to her car. We were both painfully aware of the flashing lights and wailing sirens of the ambulance that was now half a mile down the street. Once were en route, Indared to glance over at Abby, who was staring intently at me. 

"Luka, I'm sorry." I looked at her, bewildered. 

"For what?" I asked her. 

"When you told me about your children...I never understood it. I do now." I glanced away from her, not wanting to think about it. "Luka." she said, meekly. I turned my attention back to her. 

"Yeah?" 

"Tell me Jonathan's going to be okay.Promise me he's going to be okay." Abby said, her voice breaking on the last word. "I need him. I already lost John and I don't want to lose Jonathan, too." She sobbed. I pulled the car over and shifted in my seat so that I was next to her. I wrapped my arms around her as she cried. "I can't lose him, I couldn't take that. I..." 

"Abby..." I said, almost hesitating. "I promise you that everything will turn out all right in the end. I promise you that when this is all over you'll be okay." Abby nodded her head, then spoke. 

"You promise?" 

"Yes, I promise." I let go of Abby and got back behind the wheel. We reached County a few minutes later. We hurried into the ER, which thanfully, was not busy. I settled Abby into a chair in the waiting area then ran over to the board. I had started at the top looking for Joanthan's name when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and stood face to face with Deb. 

"He's in Trauma One." She said. " He's stable but criticle. We're just waiting on a bed to open up in pedes." I nodded, relief washing over me. "Where's Abby?" she asked. I turned toward the waiting area. Abby was still in the chair but was hunched over. Deb and I were over there in an instant. I crouched next to her as Deb spoke. 

"Abby, what's wrong?" She asked. I took her hand. 

"Are you okay?" Abby looked at me as she shook her head. 

"No. I...I think I'm in labor."   


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
I'll try and have the next chapter up soon! ;) 


	7. Life's Miracles

AN: Long time since I've updated, eh? I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's bit lighter than the other one. :) 

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It was an hour after we had arrived at the hospital. Other than the sound of the fetal monitor, the room was quiet. I watched anxiously for Luka and prayed he would be there soon; I didn't want to be alone. Another contraction hit, worse than the one before and it took my breath away. I gripped the side of the bed and hoped it would soon pass. They were already ten times worse than the contractions I had experienced with Jonathan. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes, Luka was standing in the doorway, a concerned look on his face. 

"Great timing, huh?" I said, the contraction subsiding. He grinned a bit, raising his eyebrows and walking toward the bed. 

"They took Jonathan up to pediatrics. He's going to be okay." He told me quietly. I nodded, relieved. We both looked up as the Doctor walked in. Her name tag read, Rachel Davis, M.D.. She greeted me with a warm smile, telling me she wanted to check me. Luka stood up to leave the room but I grabbed his arm. It was crazy but I wanted him there. Just the thought of him not being there made an achy, hollow feeling well up inside of me. 

"Don't go." I whispered. "Please." He paused, looking into my eyes and sat down in a chair next to me. He took my hand in both of his. 

"It's okay, I'll stay."   


************** 

Dr. Davis finished and informed us that Abby was eight centimeters, then left, saying she would be back in a little while. I looked down at Abby, I could see the worry and pain etched in her face and I wished I could take it away from her.   
"Thought of any names?" I asked, trying to lighten things a bit. 

"I thought-" She stopped abruptly, tears springing into her eyes as she began to breathe heavily. I let her squeeze my hand and whispered words of encouragement to her until it was over. 

"Bad one?" I asked, as she loosened her grip on my hand. 

"Yeah. Worse than any I'd had with Jonathan." She said, bringing her hand wearily to her head. 

"It won't be long now." I told her. I thought about how this could be my life if I hadn't let Abby get away, if I hadn't let Carter take her. I wasn't exactly bitter, it was just that all the old feelings were awakening again, making me feel so incredibly unstable. She lay there looking at me for a moment. 

"Kelly, if it's a girl and Timothy, if it's a boy." she said. I was thrown back into the present. I smiled. 

"Those are wonderful." 

*************** 

Before we knew it, Dr. Davis was saying it was time for Me to start pushing. Luka stood next to me, as every emotion humanly possible was running through me. He smoothed my hair back, then took my hand. I was grateful that he was there. Dr. Davis began to speak. 

"Abby, when the next contraction starts, I want you to push, okay?" 

"Okay." I said, my voice already portraying how tired I was. It seemed like seconds later, the contraction started and everyone was telling me to push. I took in a deep breath and bore down. Pain surged through me, seeming like it would never end. But it did and all too soon I had to push again. 

"You're almost there, Abby" Dr. Davis coached. "Okay...push!" I took hold of Luka's hand and bore down. I knew I was probably breaking Luka's hand in the process. "The baby's crowning." She said. I looked up at Luka for encouragement. 

"You're doing great." He told me, he was looking at me the way I imagined he had looked at his first wife or even Nicole. It was a nice feeling. 

"How much longer?" I asked, exhausted and wanting to quit. 

"Just give me a few big pushes and then it will be over." Dr. Davis said. Again, I pushed and was rewarded with Dr. Davis saying the head was out. A few minutes later, the sound of crying filled the room. "It's a girl!" 

I broke down as my new daughter was placed on my stomach. 

"She's beautiful, Abby" Luka told me. I looked up and realized he was crying, too. 

"She is, isn't she?" 


	8. One Flight Down

Wow, been a really time since an update...sorry, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.   


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Three Months Later... 

I was jolted awake by Kelly whose cries were drifting down the hall into our darkened room. I glanced over at Abby, who I realized was awake also. 

"I'll go." I said, smiling as she closed her eyes, falling back asleep. 

I got up and walked down the dark hall, the tiny night light that we kept plugged in providing a bit of light. I pushed open the door and made my way to Kelly's crib. I gently picked her up, carried her over to the rocking chair and sat down. She loved to be rocked. I talked quietly to her and soon her cries began to turn into whimpers. She was a sweet baby. She had pale blonde hair and the biggest dark brown eyes. 

A lot had happened in the last three months, and sometimes by head stills seems like it's spinning. The divorce papers came in yesterday and it's official that Nicole and I are no longer married. I still think about her but not as often as I used to, the wounds having almost healed. 

Abby and I have plans to get married, although we're not sure on the date. I know in my heart it's the right decision. I know when the four of us are sitting around on a friday night watching _Finding Nemo_, or when Abby and I are talking late at night under the covers and we finish each other's sentences...that's something I haven't experienced in a long time. For the first time in my life I feel content, like everything is going in the right direction for a change. 

I glanced down at Kelly, who was now sleeping peacefully in my arms. I leaned over her, giving her a kiss on the forehead, then eased myself up from the chair, being careful not to disturb her. I laid her into her crib and just stood there for a moment watching her. She wasn't my child biologically but I couldn't help but love her. 

"Hey" I heard Abby's voice. I turned around to find her standing in the door way. 

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked her. She shook her head. 

"It feels empty without you there." We both laughed a bit. 

"Well, I guess there's only one way to fix that." We both walked back to out bedroom and crawled back under the covers. We laid there facing each other for awhile, then I kissed her forehead softly whispered goodnight. We were almost asleep when we felt a presence in our room. 

"Mommy?" It was Jonathan. Abby opened her eyes and sat up. 

"What is it sweetie?" You could hardly tell that anything had happened to Jonathan, the only evidence being a scar that covered most of his hand. Jonathan stayed quiet. "Did you have a bad dream?" 

"Yeah" Jonathan paused. "Can I sleep you you guys?" Abby looked at me, a bemused look on her face. I laughed, sitting up also. 

"C'mon, buddy." I said, and Jonathan quickly scrambled up into our bed and between us. We laid back down and said our goodnights and that is how we fell asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The next thing I knew, the sun was shining through the windows and the phone was ringing. I groggily reached for the phone that was next to the bed and by the third ring, I got it. 

"Hello?" I said, tiredly. 

"Luka?" It was Nicole. Didn't she have any idea what time it was? 

"Yeah...it's six in the morning, what do you want?" 

"I have something important I need to tell you." 

"Ok" I said, getting somewhat annoyed, I wanted to go back to sleep. By this time, Abby was up. 

"Who is it?" she mouthed. 

"Nicole" I mouthed back. She gave me look and I shrugged my shoulders. Nicole was saying something and I had missed it. 

"Luka? Did you hear me?" she said. 

"No...what did you say?" 

"I'm pregnant." I felt like the phone had turned to lead and was all to heavy to hold, because it slipped from my hand. Pregnant? This had to be a mistake. 

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Didn't think it was gonna be a nice fluffy chapter, did ya? lol...update asap ;)   
  
  



	9. Conversation

Wow! It's been awhile since an update, eh? (the pun so very intended! ;) New chapter and I've already started another one so it's should be up pretty soon.

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Nicole. Pregnant. This is isn't happening, she's just playing a joke or maybe I'm dreaming.

"What is it?" Abby is asking me. I know I have to respond but I'm still hoping it's not sure. I turn to her.

"I'll be right back." I say, as I slip out from under the covers and retrieve the phone from it's place on the floor. I leave the room, along with a puzzled Abby laying in bed. I put the phone to my ear.

"Nicole? Are you there?" I ask softly.

"Yes...I ...I didn't mean to startle you like that." Her voice sounded small, childish.

"Well, what did you think? You call me at seven in the morning and spring news like that on me. I..." I was going to say more but she cut me off.

"I'm sorry, Luka. I'm sorry for what I did. It was a mistake." I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. I had to sit down. I was in the kitchen by now, so I sat down at the table and rested my head on one of my hands.

"Nicole, why should I believe you? You were cheating on me for months and I was too stupid to see it..." I paused. "Too in love with you to notice." I waited for her response but all I was met with was an uncomfortable silence.

"I still love you." she said after awhile. I stood up.

"Why? Why are you telling me this now? Why are you telling me this after I've moved on? I'm with Abby now...I'm finally happy, Nicole."

"Luka...please." I could tell she was crying now and I felt bad. I had loved her once. I have loved her like I had loved Danijela, but it was gone now. If this had happened a year ago... six months even, I would have been overjoyed but now it meant hardly anything. What if this child isn't even mine? What if it was just a masquerade. Her lover could have dumped her and she could have nowhere to go and I am conveniently the scapegoat. It just didn't add up.

"Nicole..." I said carefully. "Is this baby even mine?" Silence.

"Yes! God, Luka, do you think I am that horrible of a person, that I would even take the energy to call you if this baby wasn't yours?"

"You've lied to me before, I just want to make sure." I paused a moment, mulling the whole situation over. "How far along are you?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"About... about twenty-four weeks." I felt my body go cold. I hadn't seen Nicole for a long time, we had been handling the divorce under pretty friendly terms but this...this shocked me. This meant that it was very possible this child was mine.

"You're almost six months pregnant and you don't tell me until now?!"

"I didn't know how to tell you, believe me Luka, I tried. I tired to call you so many times, to write you a letter but I just...I just couldn't find the words."

"Nicole, we need to talk about this, and not on the phone. Can you meet me somewhere, like at the coffee house on Michigan Ave?"

"Yes."

"I'll meet you there in a half hour, ok?"

"All right. Bye Luka, and I'm sorry."

"Bye, Nicole." I clicked the off button and rubbed my forehead with my hand. This whole situation was unbelievable. I quickly walked back upstairs to where Abby was still laying in bed, awake. She sat up when I walked into the room.

"What did she want?" she asked as I was pulling on a pair of jeans.

"She needs to talk with me, it's a sensitive issue." I quickly pulled on a sweatshirt.

"Oh." I knew she wanted more of an answer but I couldn't give her that right now. I slipping on a pair of shoes now.

"I'll tell you more when I can, but don't worry." I bent down and kissed her softly on the lips." I'll be home in a little while. I love you, Abby." She smiled and laid back down.

"I love you, too." I smiled and left the bedroom closing the door behind me. I walked out into the crisp morning air and all I could think about as I neared Nicole and the coffee house was, What am I going to do now?


End file.
